Tuesday, January 29, 2013


I was discussing a movie with a friend. It’s called Ruby Sparks(a must watch by the way), and according to my very brief one-liner on the plot, my friend said that he, the main character, was f*cked.

As a rule, all movie and book characters are in fact f*cked. If they weren’t on the inside, the world was definitely doing it for them. That’s what all fiction is about, isn’t it? And since art imitates reality, the insightful thought of the day is that we are all f*cked!

I’m sorry, are you offended? If you are, then please, by all means, stop reading this obscene and pretentious piece of writing, done by a f*cked person who is stereotyping the world. But first let me ask you something, and I do ask of you, dear reader, to keep an open mind. Do you know anyone, anyone at all, who is not f*cked?

I don’t. Everyone I know is f*cked, everyone I’ve ever known is f*cked. F*cked is the new norm. F*cked is the new black. Even those people who have no depth to them and seem to live a 2D life that satisfies only the very basic needs of survival are f*cked in their own shallow insignificant way.

Isn’t f*cked what we look for in a relationship? Every girl is looking to save a man from his wayward self and every guy looking to be the hero who saves the damsel in distress or the princess that’s locked up in her ivory tower. That is f*cked up in its own special twisted way! But we’re not here to discuss individual ideas but more the entirety of the situation of people in the world. Actually, we’re not here to even do that, we’re here to note an observation.

We’re all f*cked at work, no one does what they want because the corporate takes over, and the basic needs, and the money, and the family, and even the traffic.

We’re f*cked at home because people aren’t perfect and we're always expecting them to meet unrealistic expectations. We’re f*cked in relationships because all women want men to read their minds and all men want women to leave them alone.

So now that we’ve established the fact of how everyone is so messed up… I mean f*cked! It can’t be a bad thing really. It should be a motive for us to accept the fact and move on, live our lives with the knowledge of how f*cked we are, and simply be at peace with ourselves and the world.

Bye now.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People

Warning! This is not about the movie, much as I am sure Megan Fox's see-through dress and sexy underwear would be such an interesting topic. This is my own guide on how to lose friends and alienate people: proven to be effective by yours truly.
I am not a trusting person. I know a lot of people but I have few friends. I don't usually warm up to people, and I think people who warm up to me are just plain freaky! Yes, that would be you, you, and you... Freaks! People call me crazy, and I am sure a shrink would agree; with all those people pushing me to see one, I'm sure they're not just saying that either. Finally, I am an expert at trusting the wrong people – when I do finally get to trust them – and beating myself up with a huge stick afterwards, but I just usually prefer to bang my head against the wall.
I am also very very good at – this is the good part – losing friends and alienating people. I am writing this to remind myself of all the friends I've lost, people I've alienated, and last but not least, my ingenious methods of doing so.
1. Be clingy, needy, and annoying.
2. Be confrontational, honest, blunt, and downright insensitive.
3. Let other people, such as my unfortunate ex-fiancé (unfortunate because I do pray over and over that he gets hit by a bus and dies a most gruesome ugly painful death, and I think one of those prayers may just get through, who knows) poison my ideas of my friends, take up the time that should have been theirs, judge them, talk about them behind their backs and find a listening ear, and tell me how to deal with them, which usually sucks.
4. Stop listening to their advice, doubt their every word, and assume they are out to get me; just pure paranoid behavior in short.
5. Not be there when they need me.
6. Trust them with secrets (not always a good idea) and find them untrustworthy; you're bound to meet some bad eggs, so secrets are just for me and myself.
7. Make mistakes and not apologize; call it pride, arrogance, denial, or hope they wouldn't notice… it comes down to the same result in the end.
8. Be arrogant and proud in general.
9. Show obvious favoritism.
10. Criticize them a lot.
11. Push them away for no reason at all.
12. Assume stuff about them and believe those assumptions without questioning.
13. Not trust my gut when something seems so horribly wrong.
14. Not tell them how I feel when something is wrong, in a non-confrontational, blunt way.
15. Attempt to self-destruct, do wrong things, be a jerk, or all the above (they usually work so well together).
Dear reader, you do not have to do all the above, one or two would suffice, although you may have to do more in case they are particularly keen on your friendship. It even works with the best friends, the oldest friends, and the ones that don't take hints. But, you must know which methods work best with which people to have a nice clean sweep.
Good luck with all the people you would lose, hope it works out for you, or if you don't want to lose people, just don't do any of the above and you're probably good to go.

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